The Good Life

I refuse to live anything less than the good life. I've grown up in a struggle with an enormous amount of resistance. Not always but a lot. I feel prepared for anything that I may now face. I'm not settling for anything less than the best. I live a life of victory. I had a revelation today. That anytime you put your faith in another man/woman they will eventually let you down. It's inevitable and if it seems that they don't there are some things that you just might not be aware of. Never look to another person to encourage, motivate, congratulate, provide or comfort you. Because if you're not doing that for yourself you will get caught up by the individual that makes you "feel" any one of those self surviving aspects of your life, and are exposing yourself to limitless frustration. There's nothing wrong with having those people but those are just like revs to an engine while sitting still. You have to be the driving force. You have to start the car put it in gear foot to the floor hands on the wheel and know you're not going to crash. Know that you can handle yourself and even though fear may creep in it is silenced by your courage. Everyone will always tell you how hard life is or will forever be. Don't agree. Don't accept that. It's a lie. Reject the status quo. Reject those who have limited or governed you. Embrace your spirits desire to be fully encompassed with joy. Work hard for your achievements. Be the best you can be. Because when you are on the worlds stage you should be your number 1 fan. Or it's all for nothing. 

Eyes wide open

I am black. 

I am white. 

I am of mulatto descent. 

I am mulatto. 

I am different. 

I am special. 

I am highly favored. 

I'm instructed by scripture to not be conformed by this world.  I'm starting to see the power of just making that claim. How much it sets me apart from the pack. How it exposes my lack of fear which runs rampant in our society. My primary occupation is electrician. Now I'm also a business owner. I'm working on being an inventor as well as a leader. Most people are afraid of electricity. I'm not. Most people don't understand what I do. I'm a bridge builder.  I'm able to go into a structure and build a bridge for electricity to travel into and then out of the structure. My job is to eliminate electricity's potential. Control something I can't see by properly calculating a number of variables into a solution that protects everyone in that structure from being harmed by electrical shock. My lack of fear in general removes me from the stance that I should act either black or white. It allows me the ability to create my own social status. In my life I have experienced prejudice from so many. I have encountered blatant racism and public humiliation by being the only one of either race or because I was the only one on welfare or because of my clothes or lack of education or because I was the only one willing to speak up. 

I've also experienced so much grace. I've had people from all levels of the socioeconomic class that exists pour into me. I've learned from CEOs CIOs CFOs people who have losts vast fortunes from self made multimillionaires from politicians from community organizers. Old young black white Hmong  Ethiopian male female people from all walks of life have taught me so many life lessons. So how can I place a label on myself to attempt to differentiate myself from others? Especially because I'm a product of so many others. 

Growing up I always just wanted acceptance. Neither of my parents saw the paradox they created by choosing to have mulatto children. Ultimately they both abandoned us leaving us to fend for ourselves. It was a cruel experience to endure hate for something I couldn't control and had no say so in. 

The world I live in is so focused on the past that they can't see forwards. White people and black people in general frustrate me. The need to differentiate is understandable but it can be done in a peaceful manner. Those willing to speak out are quickly silenced. One such person is Robert Kennedy who wrote The Enemy Within. I haven't read it but I know it took a lot of courage to write. I'm sure it had a lot to do with his untimely death. It's on my list of books to read. White privilege exists. Anyone who disputes that is just blind to reality. But at the same time black people need to acknowledge how they are so self destructive. Black people think they have the market cornered on being mistreated in this society. And that they are excused from having to do what all of us our required to do because of previous injustice. Or because they've been mistreated by a white person. We see images of whites only and colored signs from recent times. Those same water fountains labeled colored were drank out of by Hispanics Asians native Americans and all other non-whites. Life is hard. No matter if you are white black rich poor skinny fat healthy or sick. It's hard and we all have our challenges. But what are we focused on the negative or positive?

It's all about perspective. Times have changed. Laws have been rewritten so many times that a person can do just about whatever they want today. GE decided they didn't want to pay taxes anymore.... Guess what? They don't! As I look around me I'm just taking it all in.  I'm soaking up everything around me and plotting on how to utilize everything I have at my disposal so that I'm in a position to continue to spread the gospel. I truly feel like I'm looking at the world through my rear view. Because I'm headed to a new world. Not new world order. But to a destination that I envision where I will feel safe. If you were to take a Bernie Madoff a known and convicted thief and tell him he had to live in the tough parts of Chicago Detroit or LA. He would be terrified. But what about the poor old women that have to live there? The handicapped? The young girls and boys? None of them ever feel safe. Nobody is willing to go to the ghetto. Everyone wants out. Everyone wants to feel safe. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that dynasties are formed first by risk takers. Then handed over to the next generation. If you aren't handed a dynasty you should be building your dynasty. Or just sit there and watch those that are. We live in a society that has no real poverty. Not really. It's a battle in the mind. Some battles must be lost in order to win the war. If you live in poverty in America it's by choice. With so much information at our fingertips we should be leading change in this world. Unfortunately we have a generation in control that is greedy. Doing its best to maintain control by overburdening those trying to climb the proverbial ladder of success while also pacifying those who are lazy and want everything handed to them. The result will be a shift of power creating a void between the outgoing generation and those who are in position to have it handed to them. Because the people willing to take risks will be able to leverage themselves in a position that those who've been handed power will not be able to act accordingly because they never learned how to take risks. Just maintain control. And those who are lazy will unfortunately walk themselves into a modern day slavery. They will line up just as the Egyptians did in front of Joseph. Unless they wake up. It's not a black or white issue. You're either asleep or awake. There are those who say you have to choose the lesser of two evils. I say I choose no evil. I say I choose to follow the way the truth and the life that which is Jesus Christ.  And in doing so I am able to create my own destiny my own norms my own culture my own view of this world always focused on God and filtered by his light. Wide awake. #static

The root of all evil grows into a vine and has branches flowers and fruit

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. (Matthew 6:24 KJV)

This has been hard for me to grasp. But I finally got it. Your master is who you trust. Who you turn to when you don't know what to do. Who you go to when you need help. This world has bought into the system of money. Sometimes it's all people talk about. Some people just want one more dollar.  But we are instructed to not be of this world. We are instructed seek ye first the kingdom of God and all our needs will be given to us. If you are seeking something it means you're looking. If what you're looking for can't be seen then you must close your eyes. Once your eyes are closed you are disconnected from this world. Your mind is walking through the valley of darkness. This is how you seek the kingdom. Along the way you will have everything you need provided. It's a long journey. All the while life is still going on around you. The valley is deep wet and cold lined with enemies on both sides. Most people are too afraid they either don't bother to start or they decide to just open their eyes. They want to make sense by rationalizing with their vision and perception. If all we see in this world and what the media shoves in front of us is in order to be happy you have to have nice things. Then we want those nice things. We will work hard for those nice things. We will lie for those nice things. We will position ourselves in an advantageous situation to acquire those things. We will rob for those nice things. We will kill for those nice things. Sell our bodies. Abuse our bodies. We will even pray for those nice things. But they are just things. And after we get them we are still empty. The sad thing is when you're praying for those nice things you're praying to the wrong god. Light was provided for us to experience Gods creation. Anything that is not of God is darkness. And you can't make darkness light. It's impossible. But that's what this world has taught us. Money is darkness. If that is your focus or what you are seeking you're worshipping an idol. Most people would not seek after something they don't love. So ask yourself who are you praying to? We aren't to bring our problems to God in a fashion where we are begging him to give us something for selfishness or a false sense of happiness. Nor lay up these false treasures and place our faith in them whether they be an ira 401k savings stocks or anything else I can't see once my eyes are closed. All idols. I serve the Alpha and Omega. Never ending. Always there. Eternal just like the darkness of the great deep. #static

Salt and light

Today I have lived on earth as it has revolved around the pulling force of gravity in our solar system for 35 years. Some would give the customary acknowledgement of happy birthday. Unbeknownst to them this is the first I've had that is actually happy. I've never cared for the attention being on me. I've always just wanted to feel like I belonged. People that have a family don't realize how much that affects an individual. One birthday in particular I remember was my eighteenth. I had been working at Sears for almost two years and quit a couple months back. I'd started at woodland hills when I was 16 and then moved to the old store on 21st And Yale that was torn down when I was 17. It had been one year since my mother had kicked me out. I had completely turned my back on God. At this time I was an atheist. I had no morals or care or code to live by. My reasoning was because I figured I wanted to do whatever I wanted and then I was going into the Air Force. Ever since I could remember all I wanted to do was fly. Somehow I believed I would be able to become an Air Force jet fighter pilot. I woke up hung over from the 100 proof southern comfort I decided to over indulge in called out to my friend Smitty who was staying with me that we needed to get ready to go. All I had talked about since New Years was me enlisting in the Air Force. As we walked up to the front doors of the recruiters office across from east land mall I began to have second thoughts. I wondered what my family would think when they found out and if they would even care. I walked into the office as confident as I could I was greeted by a soldier that asked me how I was doing.  I said great I'm ready to enlist. He said excellent go ahead and fill this form out. He handed me a clipboard with the pen tied off with a string and scotch tape holding the knot in place. I filled out the form handed it back and he told me I'm sorry we can't accept your application. I asked why not he said you have asthma. I pleaded with him that I didn't have anything else and lied saying it wasn't that bad to no avail. He then asked Smitty what his plans were and then ended up having him enlist as I sat in the waiting area furious. I asked for a phone book and found the navy recruiters office and then went there. Then the army. Then the marines. Then finally the coast guard before I finally accepted that the United States military did not want me. The drive home I contemplated suicide amongst so many other things. It was one of the worst days of my life. I felt completely rejected and worthless. This began a very dark period in my life. I did several things that I'm not proud of but I have no regrets. I swore I would never celebrate another birthday. Fast forward to today and I can only say that God is so good to me. My cup runneth over. I'm so amazed at what has happened in my life once I finally gave up and surrendered to Gods plans and call on my life. It's been beyond my expectations. I have the best wife. The best kids. And I am a King. Because God said every place that the sole of my foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you, as I said unto Moses. (Joshua 1:3 KJV) I never thought I would be where I'm at. Or have met the people I've met. I've met a guy that's going to teach me how to fly as well as help me build my own plane. But  the vision I've been given!!! I wish to share my vision with the world and this begins the day that I put forth my all to accomplish that. Scriptures say: And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams: (Acts 2:17 KJV)

I was 18 years old and a few days when God gave me my first vision. Long story short I ended up in parkside for three days. When I was released I never told anyone else what I had witnessed. I was afraid everyone would think I was crazy and they would lock me up again. I've seen what is to come. The future and all the many great things that I will help to invent and the many vehicles God will use to spread the good news. I am a prophet. It's even my namesake. And I'm no longer ashamed or afraid. I don't hide behind a nickname. There are those that God calls on to do his work and I want to be the best minister and servant I can be. Because scripture also says: But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: (Matthew 20:25-27 KJV)

I am compelled to spread the gospel and the good news. Our enemy has attacked the beginning and the end. The alpha and the omega. Genesis and revelation. He is very clever. He's dismantled creation and the apocalypse. He's convinced the world that evolution is true and that there will be world peace. Science cannot explain God nor his creation. He is the author of lies. I am a messenger of light. I've been shown how everything works. Perhaps you might say I've seen what Newton, Einstein, Hertz, Tesla, Edison, Ford, Hawking and what many others have tried to explain. And can lay it all out in simple terms. With the internet I have what none of them had unlimited access to just about everything. For any question I have I can find an answer. And for those I can't God shows me. How I came to be an electrician is a story in and of itself. I didn't start that until I was 19. But I want everything that comes from my lips to edify and build up my fellow man. At this point my current hurdle or challenge which may seem small and insignificant to some is profanity. I choose to no longer use language that is not deemed holy or that which does not benefit my brother.  The amazing thing about it is all I have to do is tell people my testimony. That's all. Just tell my story. My experience with our God. Pretty simple. I need make no sacrifice or live my life in lack. All my debts, all my sins are paid in full. I've got a blank check and I'm coming for my brothers and sisters. Selah. Amen.  and of course #static

I clean up well

I'm going into my sixth year of business. And I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that I've made it. I had so much fear about going into business and operated out of fear. Beforehand I talked to and asked people about the different venues of business. I took night classes at TCC. So I could function as a good business owner. I took fast track courses that were two 2 hour classes a week for a month. So I was in way over my head. I took college algebra and squeaked by with a C. My teacher was a mechanical engineer and I said I was going to be an electrical engineer. It was going to take a lot of math. I then took trigonometry and it was a nightmare for me. I could not grasp it. It used to frustrate me that other people would tell me how easy it was.  It was just to much of a leap I ended up with a D but D's get degrees! Besides....I was engaged and all I cared about was my future bride. I couldn't stop thinking about her. This was 2002 so phones were still analog. Which meant green screen and tapping the number button signs a certain number of times to get to the right letter. Kids now a days have it made. I saw swipe on another phone and was amazed. iPhone doesn't have a swipe it has an annoyingly obnoxious auto correct. Haha anyway 6th year I had heard so much I talked to white people black people Mexican people Asian people men and women. All of them told me what I already knew scared people would say. I couldn't do it. Most business fail the first year. Most black companies fail because they try to grow to quick. Don't go out and spend a lot of money. Then you gotta make it a year then three years then 5 years and so on. All that it taught me was they had a lack of faith in being able to do it. For them and anyone else trying to do it. So I stayed small. I've made good money. Live better than most. And had nothing but problem after problem. Because I've been trying to force my way. And what I thought was supposed to happen. And not seeking Gods way. Over the years I've had significant challenges. I've had numerous complaints from spoiled brats who expect things by demand and not request. I've had a guy cuss me out call me a crook and then call me back and apologize because I was the only person who knew what they were talking about. I decided not to get a physical location because that was an overhead I wanted to stay away from. After my first year I chose to focus on paying my guys more rather than paying myself. It was a gamble but it was worth it. I've figured out the business side so now it's just copy and paste. Grow and expand as aggressive as I can and overwhelm my competition by being so far ahead that they come begging me to join or face their businesses demise. 

Yeah I go there real fast my mind just goes so quick sometimes. This blog is about shit though. Literally. 

So let's begin. 

I leased a building that I wanted in a location that I think is ideal. Right by the highway right by Midtown. The real Midtown. The dividing line between Tulsa and North Tulsa. So that I can provide service to both. It's a personal checks and balance system. If I can serve citizens from both locales and garner a sense of predominant satisfaction I can achieve anything. There's a saying that if you can make it in New York you can make it anywhere. Well my family is from New York and I'm here in Oklahoma the reddest state in the union and I'm a half black man and I'm successful. I'd say I could make  it anywhere as well. When I leased the spot the owner was hesitant. He didn't like dealing with people and I'd asked him if he was firm and he told me he didn't think I was serious or ready. I asked him whys that because I'm wanting to negotiate? I ended up paying him three months in advance just to let him know. I wasn't able to take occupancy as planned it was supposed to be Jan 1 but the prior tenant didn't move out until the 15th. Which completely screwed up my plans. I had everything mapped out spend a whole week moving and getting organized and then week 2 in January hit the ground running. So I was two weeks behind. And it's only gotten worse.

 But the shit. 

I walked into the place after it was emptied and it was filthy. What I had envisioned was anything but. I'd only had a brief minute to pop by and check it out but now I could do a thorough walk through. And the place was trashed. None of the lights were working it reeked of chemicals and death. I walked to the bathroom.

And evidently they hadn't had the water on. So they just shit wherever. I mean out behind the building there were all kind of hot ones and no toilet paper in sight!!! So somebody's butt was itching! And the toilet was full. And there was a five gallon bucket next to it. Half full. I could only peer in because the smell was so noxious I thought I was going to pass out. And all I could think is I'm going to fall headfirst into that shit and that's how they'll find me suffocated 34 years old head in a toilet of human excrement. I didn't open the door for a week. I started to call someone. And I couldn't bring myself to do it. If I wasn't willing to do it how could I hire someone else? So I knew what I had to do. I had to wrestle the turds. I had to wait for the water to be turned on though. So this presents a new problem. One I hadn't considered. Utilities! I had to put everything in my name! I just hadn't thought about the process. It's cold so I can't turn the water on without the heat on. I didn't want the pipes to burst. And the gas meter was hidden in the back in a closet. Yeah to steal gas. I tried to install the meter myself and couldn't and I got a plumber friend to get me hooked up.  The property was sold so I now had new landlords. He was a painter. So this could work out nicely. He got the water on and flushed the toilet. But it was still terrible. I went to Walmart and spent about 50 bucks on cleaning supplies soap and lotion paper towels toilet paper. Wipes which are so important haha and I grabbed some disposable gloves and a pumice stone why? I had never seen one never used one but this thing looked like it would scrub the shit out of anything just what the dr ordered. I headed back and round 1 began. I used a toilet bowl brush that was left behind I'm guessing as a parting joke? Or maybe just them thumbing their nose at me and comet I threw comet everywhere like on mommie dearest I was cussing the whole time. Every expletive you can imagine. And the aroma. That was the worst part. Shit mixed in with rotten food and vomit. Oh my god the vomit almost got me. On numerous occasions. I had to run out side dry heaving.  The last straw was dropping the pumice stone and having some water hit me in the face. If I'd have had some gasoline handy I might've Richard Pryored myself. I just took it as an omen to leave the shit alone. So round 1 went to the shit. Because I had made little improvement.

Round 2....well let's just say a little elbow grease and I came with a tko.

(Yeah that's a soap bottle from Williams Sonoma with some Walmart soap in it just because I'm a cultured nigga haha)

  I sat there wondering to myself why am I wanting to fix it up? Because it was so gross and neglected? It was at that moment I saw the parallel of my life and how I've never felt like a good person. Always wondering why my parents didn't want to be in my life? How filthy and worthless I felt at times. Like I was something people only dealt with when they had to then immediately shut the door and never looked back. But then a determination that came out of nowhere to be the best I can be and to work with what God has given me overcame me. There are a few key people in my life that never gave up on me. That were willing to get down and dirty because they felt I was worth it. Now the toilet might not be white as snow but it's a far cry from where it was. Just like me I might not have it all together still might smell like shit but I'm getting better. 

#static

The long way home

On my way home today I went the long way. I was working on a house in North Tulsa not to far from one of the houses I grew up in. As I drove down the street I could remember the first drive there. My mother had abandoned me and my sister. We were placed in my fathers care. He still lived with his mother. Tears welled up as I began to reprocess all the hate and sorrow I experienced. The fear of not knowing my father. The culture shock of living in a white household to the household of an irresponsible abusive bully also a drunk. As I rounded the corner I could no longer see the house. It had long been torn down. Condemned I believe because of rodent infestation. I parked my truck and walked along the sidewalk remembering fighting and wrestling the entire evening with Jason. He died from lupus. His house was gone too. I could see the old tree we were going to build a tree house in but we didn't have any wood. The wood we did end up stealing we didn't know what to do with and ended up just using to cut the tree down. We used my dads machete and butchered the poor tree. Knuckles was pushing on a limb he had just cut it was just after dusk I asked him what he was doing and then he yelled oh shit watch out! Next thing I knew I was waking up after having a two by four dropped on my head from probably twenty feet in the air. I rubbed my head and saw a brown liquid on my hand. Under the Orange light I couldn't tell it was red so I didn't panic. Only after going in the house did I realize I was covered in blood. I can remember sitting in Ralph's living room as his family found out his cousin Marlo who had lived with them was sentenced to life in prison. So many stories......

I only lived in the house and neighborhood for 9 months. And I can't help but think how far I've come and how this neighborhood is one of the poorest in Tulsa but some of the best and most honest people live and lived there. Some of the wisest and humble people. I learned so much from the people in this neighborhood. Developed lifelong friendships. And lost some along the way. To prison or the grave. It was always heartbreaking to find out someone had gone. Especially when I knew I was involved in one way or another. I've done my best to try to walk the straight and narrow because so many made so many sacrifices for me to be able to do so. I'm thinking of buying the old lot where my old house was. I learned a lot from my grandmother. She was from New York and moved here as a single woman leaving all our family behind and started her own dry cleaners called New York style cleaners right on Cincinnati next to R&R foods. I can remember her telling me I would be a successful business man. And one day I would meet my family. She was strange to me and I didn't always understand what she was doing. But I knew she loved me and it wasn't much but it was still home. Deep Turley.  #static

The lonely walk

Certain men are required to walk alone. Simply because walking with another can cause you to possibly go a direction you might not have travelled. Sometimes God has to get you by yourself so he can reach you with no distractions. If you're not listening sometimes he will stunt one of your senses temporarily temporary blindness, deafness, paralysis or being mute. In order to teach you how to  face your life's challenges and to make you strong for the enemy. 

What comes to mind is a snow leopard charging through fresh snow. With no path in front of him but driven by his senses and a level of faith that most would call insane. An inward understanding that somewhere in this white desert there is life yielding power in another animals life that it knows it will kill and then consume. Unlike the snow leopard some men aren't required to always walk alone. I feel the curse has lifted and I've woken up with my family surrounding me. #static